Sparrow

Surreal, like a dream.

These are the only words I can write about life with Sparrow. She is sixteen weeks old today. How have these past sixteen weeks been?

Surreal, like a dream.

Is it because I haven't slept a full night in said time? By no means. Well, maybe. Is it because I am so young and still a newlywed? Not so much.

It's because I've never felt this in my heart before. Not with family, not with Wesley. It's a different form of love. Most people say that love is a choice. With her, I don't believe it is. My story may not match every mother's story. {wow, I am a 'mother'}

When did I fall in love with her? I didn't know her when she was in my womb, like some do. I have never been a baby person, or even a kid kinda girl. So in my womb, I felt movement and dancing and life. In a sense of course I loved her. But not in the way I do now.

Did I fall in love with her when they laid her on me after birthing her? I will never forget the way she looked at me. One of shock and wonder. She could have smiled if she wasn't so cold at that moment. Of course I loved her then, but I was feeling other distracting pains and before I could smell her, they wisped her out of my sight. Not IN love yet.

Was it when I woke up the last morning in the hospital, with her by my side? I was more excited with taking her out on our first trip, to show the world how beautiful she is. We did bond that day, when it was just me and her. Still, not quite there.

She was eight days young when I fell in love. I was home alone with my bebe; she was dreaming. I was writing thank you notes {because we had a baby shower, with her as the guest of honor, much to everyone's surprise}. The song you hear on my blog was the song I was listening to as I wrote. I looked up at her, and God placed the indescribable love for her in my soul. To this day my heart drops to my stomach at the thought of her being my first, beautiful, healthy daughter. My baby girl.

I am so in love. It's so real, it's surreal. And it's like a dream.