Sparrow

Surreal, like a dream.

These are the only words I can write about life with Sparrow. She is sixteen weeks old today. How have these past sixteen weeks been?

Surreal, like a dream.

Is it because I haven't slept a full night in said time? By no means. Well, maybe. Is it because I am so young and still a newlywed? Not so much.

It's because I've never felt this in my heart before. Not with family, not with Wesley. It's a different form of love. Most people say that love is a choice. With her, I don't believe it is. My story may not match every mother's story. {wow, I am a 'mother'}

When did I fall in love with her? I didn't know her when she was in my womb, like some do. I have never been a baby person, or even a kid kinda girl. So in my womb, I felt movement and dancing and life. In a sense of course I loved her. But not in the way I do now.

Did I fall in love with her when they laid her on me after birthing her? I will never forget the way she looked at me. One of shock and wonder. She could have smiled if she wasn't so cold at that moment. Of course I loved her then, but I was feeling other distracting pains and before I could smell her, they wisped her out of my sight. Not IN love yet.

Was it when I woke up the last morning in the hospital, with her by my side? I was more excited with taking her out on our first trip, to show the world how beautiful she is. We did bond that day, when it was just me and her. Still, not quite there.

She was eight days young when I fell in love. I was home alone with my bebe; she was dreaming. I was writing thank you notes {because we had a baby shower, with her as the guest of honor, much to everyone's surprise}. The song you hear on my blog was the song I was listening to as I wrote. I looked up at her, and God placed the indescribable love for her in my soul. To this day my heart drops to my stomach at the thought of her being my first, beautiful, healthy daughter. My baby girl.

I am so in love. It's so real, it's surreal. And it's like a dream.

the lost.

Today is one of those days where I have so much love for others around me that I can do nothing but smile. The unconditional love that Christ calls us to have. You may say, "one of those days?". Well, yes. I'm being honest... I am hardly able to go very long without judging someone. But today is different, and I am so thankful. I prayed this morning that I would die to my flesh, as I do every day. And the Word this morning was teaching me to love, and that is the greatest commandment. Why is it so hard, then? We each have our own struggles. It's easy for me to love Africa. It's easy for me to love the orphan. But what about the visitor in church who straggles in late with wet hair, doesn't bow her head during prayer, and falls asleep before the pastor even gets a Verse read? No, it is not natural for me to love that person. But today, I did. I love her. And I prayed for her with a clean heart. Did I do this by my own good works? Lord knows...no way. I could never. If I can't do this on my own, simply loving my neighbor, then how could I have come to Christ on my own? I did not. Christ chose me before the foundations of the earth. He chose me, and sought me. He found me, because the Father gave me to Him. And Christ will hold me till the end. He is the Good Shepherd..I was His lost sheep..He found me where I was..He saved me. Nothing that I do will make Him let go of me. Glory be to God that my salvation is not dependent of my doings. Nor is your salvation.